*Flagged for deletion*

You can find the enormity of Sourblood in the one, first thread. Simply titled, 'Sourblood'. ;)

Comments & reviews · 2
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This was intriguing but too short for a whole chapter.

Okay, here it is: The two guys are interesting and I like the way they talk. The way you described them and the part where the one guy gets alot older is quite odd and interesting. Of course, I have no idea what they are actually talking about but I suppose that is the whole point.

Grammatically and punctuationally it is fairly sound. The first few sentences need to be put into one paragraph but other than that I only saw your normal mistakes.

Still, not disregarding what I said above, you continue to make the main character boring and then make everything that happens to them really awesome and crazy - can't do that, won't let you.

What you need to try is having a story from the inside of someone's head. Practice this: make a really crazy interesting person who really has nothing remarkable about their lives but because of how crazy they are everything that happens to them, however normal it may seem, is actually crazy because it's happening to them. It would actually make this story much better if you made Aslina interesting. You could do that and still keep the plot that you've thought up.

Strangely enough, I really like the name. Something about 'Sourblood' just sounds cool and I don't know why.



I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights